🔗 Share this article

Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the Italian striker popped into a local college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|